Boy, were my theories lacking research.
A lifetime of playing a bachelor(ette) isn't even required to understand what all the hubbub is about. In the past year of my singledom status, I've been blessed with many a chivalrous moment as being told by *writer guy, "I think we should see each other for a few hours this weekend;" being emailed a list of I'll-make-love-to-you songs by *car guy; and *tv guy who simply insisting on sending me a list of get-to-know-you questions before our date (you know, the one that never happened).
I suspect every man has over the years honed his own special method for gaining the affection of women (even if it's for one night for said affection). I once interviewed a guy who authored his first novel on bedding women by way of a little saute and garnish. A totally interesting guy -- and for a reason, he carried a holy sensual agenda that most single gals would come to know. And Danny Devito implies a little more than safe sex with his monster condom bit. To be fair, this isn't an original Devito Pièce de résistance as I had the pleasure (er, no pun intended) of experiencing this same triumphant act while on a date with *Guitar strings.
*Guitar strings was making me laugh to the point that I could hardly finish my prosciutto and wine. Entertaining was second nature to him, as he performed for a living, natch. As a lead singer, he was more than accustomed to girls screaming at his sweaty body as it pulsated across stage at the House of Blues and the Viper Room. Dinner soon concluded and we began exiting our booth. *Guitar strings smiled one last time at me as he turned to reach for his jacket. As he did a glimmering gold piece came flying out of his jacket and directly found itself a new home atop the check on the table. Blinking, I bent closer to see what I thought a recognizable logo. And that's when I realized what I was looking at.
Yes, I suddenly found myself standing in the middle of a very populated dining room, next to a guy who I'd just finish dinner with ... and who'd just casually let a Magnum condom tumble out of the privacy of his duds and into public view for all of West Hollywood to witness over their antipastos.
I nervously laughed and pointed to the still-glimmering package, turned to him and asked, "Ha, so, you trying to leave our waitress a tip or something?"
To this day, I still can't decide if the in-flight Magnum or the distressing + horrified look that immediately settled on his face was the better of entertainment to me that night -- either way *Guitar strings delivered a great performance.
