Etiquette Books Your Mama Has Never Heard Of

As with so many things in life we sometimes need a small reminder on how to do things. Etiquette, for instance. In my bookshelf, I keep a nice collection of etiquette books, which I love picking through just for ideas and inspiration. I'm gonna say these are great picks because they're written by modern-day writers (none of that archaic silverware, plate setting business) and are actually winky and snarky enough to make most young people laugh while appreciating the manner-ish message. And really, it's more about gestures and consideration, rather than stuffy rules. If you find yourself even the slightest bit interested in learning about this etiquette business (of course you do) or find yourself stifled by the interactions of young folks in your city, check out these books from my collection that I adore. I promise these won't put you to sleep.

The Art of Civilized Conversation by Margaret Shepherd ~ Just sweetly encouraging and compact enough to toss in your bag should you have to wait somewhere. Terribly adorbs topics include "Small-Talk Saboteurs," "Disagree in a Civilized Fashion" and "Everybody Blunders." 

"Sometimes you may meet a person who just can't seem to help himself; he flirts shamelessly. It may be the only way he knows how to relate to the opposite gender. Conversations always seem to return to the discussions of looks or are infused with sexual innuendo. [...] Women seem more aware of how to keep a conversation 'on track.' If you want to block or slow down a flirtation, use 'I' a lot, 'you' and 'we' never."

Thinking of You by Marjabelle Young Stewart ~ I tried the act below once with a boy. Even if romantic notions aren't their taste, you'll usually get a sweet laugh for the effort. Plus, who doesn't like thoughtful gifts?

"Tuck a perfume- or aftershave-scented handkerchief (barely scented, not drenched) into your partner's suitcase when he's leaving town on business, along with a note that says, 'Think of me.'" 

How to be Lovely: The Audrey Hepburn Way of Life ~ Audrey Hepburn and how she lived the way she did, 'nuff said.

Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen ~ OK, not a modern etiquette book per say, but good golly molly did men and women know how to treat each other with such niceties (letter writing just to say hello, anyone?) And Austen offers such a lovely presentation on how sexual tension could be bottled up into neat, cordial interactions. Not that is still doesn't take a dedicated eye to learn how to "read" people's emotions. Indeed, handy even a century later. 

The Fabulous Girl's Guide to Decorum by Kim Izzo & Ceri Marsh ~ These Canadian journalist wrote a three-book collection on social decorum for the modern-day gal. Tips are hilar and randy, with topics like "Sex & Courtship," "Promotion Etiquette" to "The Zen of Hostessing." 

"For the single girl, 'Chapsticks' (those platonic chaps who stick by you through thick and thin) make great escorts to events. They're also there to shoulder the burden of sometimes having sex and hearing about breakups, crushes who won't call and bitter fights with boyfriends. [...] Benefit from the Chapstick's insight into male libido."

Now remember, there is no book out there with the perfect rules to get you going through life flawlessly and without any social gaffes. Instead, look at it from the perspective that you're learning a new skill, or brushing up on one (gardening or cooking, for instance) and the more information you get, the better it is for you. There are many guidelines, but the best guideline to follow is remembering to express your true voice and style, proper fork or not.  

Toilet Seat Etiquette + Germ Control

The other week I had a couple of male guests come through my little cottage of a home. During their visit, a bathroom call was also made. Of course, I obliged. Unbeknownst to me and my preconceived notions about the modern-day mannered man, I was shocked to discover both male guests felt it OK to leave the toilet seat and lid left in the upright position. Hmm. Beyond being a social sin in my opinion, when does a girl ever like having to rearrange opened toilet accoutrements after her male guests? And it turns out, this casual lavatory act is also not so good for your home environment.

Remember in school when you had to watch those 1950's atomic bomb films in history class? That exact thing is happening in your bathroom when you flush. As that 1950's video explains, "The explosion's radioactive fallout is almost as dangerous as the blast itself." When you push down on that unassuming little flush handle, a mushroom bomb made of microbial cloud of feces and bacteria explodes into your home's atmosphere. The only thing stopping that lovely image from alighting on everything like your soap and toothbrush? 


The toilet lid, closed down as a matter of fact.


Even the boys at Discovery Channel"s Mythbusters found the same results by using dry ice to film what gets shot up during this ill-advised practice of flushing toilets with the lids in the up position. 

Some of my favorite quotes about this lid-up flushing business:


"What they can't is the countless billions of bacteria and microbes that literally explode upward into the air [...] some of these germs can reach heights of up to 20 feet." 

"It doesn't take long for these tiny particles of poop to settle on everything in the room; faucets, towels, even your toothbrush." 

So there you have it, leave it the way you found it i.e. the seat down. And anyways, the amount of energy expended in arguing about this lid up or down business, far exceeds the simple etiquette required in just doing a girl a favor in leaving a seat down. 

Ave Marie ... Claire: Blogger Etiquette

The English translation of Franz Schubert's Ave Maria has the line, "Thou canst save amid despair." 

This might be advice I'd share with Maura Kelly, blogger of Marie Claire's "A Year of Living Flirtatiously," who's likely in the middle of despair for having written an incendiary column that uses less-than-pretty language to discuss overweight individuals. People (2,288 commenters to be precise) are attacking her for zingers like, "I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other" and "I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room -- just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroin addict slumping in a chair." (Awkwardly, she exposed her sloppiness as a writer when she misspelled 'heroin' as 'heroine' in her post).

Here's Kelly's post this week on 'Should "Fatties" Get a Room (Even on TV?)." 

One of the first rules in journalism was learning how to compare apples to apples and oranges to oranges. Whereas Kelly compares apples to bananas when she likens the appearance of overweight individuals to that of heroin users. {insert awkward cough} She writes, "Anorexia is sick, but at least some slim models are simply naturally skinny." {eye roll} Overlooking the fact many of those models starve/bulimic themselves, did she not realize genetics are to blame for making Kate Moss as well as Oprah? Kelly misses the application of this lesson entirely (and yet the girl went to Dartmouth).

There is nothing illegal about writing trite ramble and calling it "professional," but this is a column about etiquette and social graces. If I were a blogger for a major Hearst pub, I'd have the sense to first, avoid egregious misspellings {shudder}, and two, use a filter before expressing myself on a contentious topic, like weight, which might personally and deeply affect a lot of individuals. When expressing an opinion--showing social grace and consideration neither adds nor detracts from the freedom of an opinion. There's always a hundred ways to say the same thing.

Last note. In her column, Kelly's beef was with the personal appearance of "fatties" being represented on TV (Should "fatties" Get a Room, Even on TV), insomuch she inferred a "displeasing" quality about viewing them on a big screen. For argument's sake, let's compare apples to apples. I wonder what Kelly would opine on personal appearances depicted by Snookie, Speidi and Octoman? If networks are willing to put the likes of those individuals on TV, why is there tremendous harm in broadcasting "Mike & Molly" whose characters are enrolled in Overeaters Anonymous. In time, I'm sure Kelly "canst save amid despair," since everyone's etiquette can falter at times.

"Remember you always have a choice: tact or react,
Every peacemaker uses the wisdom of diplomacy,
Because words when spoken right make men see" 

-- Tim Pickl 

EcoEtique is Born

I have been running a blog now for two years now. My first blog post was on Muse Marian, a.k.a. Marian McEvoy, the former etiquette columnist for Domino Magazine, RIP. McEvoy offered real-life advice for modern-day men and women. She's like Carrie Bradshaw meets Emily Post, plus classy oomph. Overdid martinis on a first date? Crackberry users make rude company? Muse Marian knew what to do. To this day, I still cherish her columns (yes, I keep old magazines that have gone to heaven). My first post was on etiquette and funny, even garnered me my first (and encouraging) comment. I think that must have been a sign. 


"I definitely love your own writing way, very helpful, don't give up as well as keep posting simply because it simply just truly worth to follow it, looking forward to find out additional of your articles, goodbye!" 


Today, I'm launching EcoEtique, an advice column on how to handle all aspects of modern-day eco living and etiquette. Sometimes the two are inextricably connected. For instance, if you're a guest at someone's house and offer to clean the dishes after dinner, and you notice the homeowner blasting the sink water with no dishes underneath (just thinking it makes me cringe), how do you resolve cleaning the dishes fast while not wasting precious water? Wanna send correspondence for a party or just say hello? There are a plethora of ways to nicely upcycle material into cards and find eco, sustainable stationery -- stay cordial to your acquaintances and the planet. This is my aim with EcoEtique, that and a little enjoyment.